Chocolate for Breakfast! What kind of Mother am I???

How many "Hats" do you try to fit on your head in a day?  If you are anything like me, it's a pretty high number.

Mother

Wife

Friend

Daughter

Sister

Employee

Boss

Cook

House Cleaner

The list could go on for days..... But you get the point!

By the way, I found this picture HERE.  I would recommend you click on it and read it because she has a lot of great points to make on this same topic!

On my best days, I feel like this lady! But on my worst days, the hats are laying on the floor around me in a chaotic mess, and I tripping over them constantly!

And what do we do when our hats get so high we can't fit through the door???


What is it that makes us feel like we have to be superwoman?  I don't know when it even started for me.  I feel like it was engrained in me even before I became a wife or a mother. For as far back as I remember, I have compared myself to those around me.
But why?? 

I really can't answer that...  I wish I could, because then maybe I could finally kick this nasty habit that keeps me from enjoying so much of life.

I often hear things like "If it weren't for Pinterest..." or "Social Media is just a place for people to try and make themselves look good". But I think the issue is far deeper than that!  If it was social media's fault, then generations past would have never dealt with this. And I can assure you that at some point in your grandmother's life, she looked at her friends' children or her friends' house and felt some form of envy at not being able to manage everything as well.

With each year that passes, we try to fit more things into our lives.  Many of us work full time jobs, are going to school, or own businesses.  Many of our husbands work overtime. We shuffle our kids from soccer to gymnastics to sleepovers. And we can't figure out why we aren't able to have a homemade dinner sitting on the table in our spotless dining room every single night.

There is one day in particular that I realized just how much of a mess I was! It was a few years ago and I had just started working a new job. I was putting in 50-60 hours per week and was always rushing.  I was driving my daughter to school. We were rushing around that morning (like usual) and I was afraid I was going to be late for work, again! But we made it out the door in time and I was on track to be at work on time! We were about 1/2 mile from school when she said "Mom, you never fed me breakfast and I'm really hungry!"  There were no stores or restaurants close to us, so I looked through my purse in hopes of finding a granola bar. But no such luck... I had a half eaten bag of Hershey's Nuggets in my purse... That's all!! (I wasn't doing very well at managing life at the time - so I gorged on chocolate and caffeine while I was at work!)  I gave her a few Hershey's nuggets to eat in the car and sent her off to school (She was going to a private school for preschool and there was no breakfast served there). 
All day long, it was all I could think about at work! I was a failure! I couldn't even remember to feed my child breakfast, so I gave my almost 3 year old chocolate nuggets!! 
SERIOUSLY?? What is wrong with me????
I don't remember any details about my work day because I spent all day trying not to cry! I had to be the absolute worst mom ever! None of my friends would ever feed their children chocolate for breakfast!
I got home that night and wanted to curl in a ball and cry! But something happened that changed my outlook!  I picked up that sweet little girl after work and on the way home I told her I was sorry for forgetting breakfast! She looked up at me with a huge smile and said "I don't mind! You can forget breakfast more often if you want!"  I realized that I hadn't ruined her! She thought it was cool and it made for a good memory!  And I learned something from it!  I learned to slow down and stop worrying about being a few minutes late, and I learned that if I have to feed her chocolate for breakfast every once in a while, it won't kill her!  I was still a great Mommy in her eyes!!!


I hope you realize after reading my story that I can't remember a single thing I did right that day, instead I focused on the one thing I totally screwed up. 

And I'm sure I missed out on some great things that day by wallowing in my self pity! When we start to feel weighed down by the one thing we didn't do as well as we would have liked, we forget the things we TOTALLY ROCKED AT, and sometimes we even miss out on many other fabulous things!!  


If you look back at your day, I'm sure you can come up with at least a few things that you did that you didn't totally suck at:

• You totally blew your boss away with your latest project!
• You saved $50 at the grocery store by being a super savvy coupon lady!
• Your kids went to school with matching outfits, winter coats, lunch, and their homework!
• You made it to work on time, despite oversleeping by a few minutes!
• Your whole family had clean underwear this morning!      (Hey - somedays thats a HUGE win!)
• You remembered it was your best friends birthday and sent her a text telling her how much you appreciate her!
• You were able to pay your mortgage this month!
• You put on your jeans this morning and didn't look like the overstuffed bear your daughter won at the carnival! (Talk about a HUGE win!!)
• You had enough milk in the house for your kids to eat breakfast before school (SCORE!!)
• You remembered at the last minute that it was your turn to take snack to soccer practice! You were able to run through Walmart like a crazy person and still get there before a mob of hungry 8 year olds attacked you!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

But after all that, you didn't have time to make dinner, so you grabbed some take out and your kids shoveled in their faces in front of the tv at 8:00pm!

SO WHAT!!!!!


If you were able to do even one of these things today, you are AMAZING and worthy of some SERIOUS PRAISE!!!  And even if it was a horrible, rotten, no good kind of day and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING went right, I bet you did at least one thing right yesterday!

It's amazing to me that as soon as one thing doesn't go our way, we completely forget all of the things we ROCK AT!!!

And sometimes, we get so focused on our careers, our family, and our housework, that we completely forget about ourselves. I've had more than one occasion where I walk by a mirror and realize that I forgot to brush my hair, I only put eyeliner on one side of my face, or I forgot to zip my pants (I hate when that one happens!!) 

But regardless of how we feel, we have families who love us and most importantly, we have a FATHER who loves us unconditionally! He is just waiting for us to reach out and acknowledge that we can't do it all! That we are a complete mess without Him!  And when we let Him take some of the burden, we realize just how wonderful we are! We stop thinking about the few things we messed up today and we begin to see ourselves through His eyes!!

I saw this video a few months ago and it will never get old!  I think every woman in this world should be required to sit down and watch it! We should be forced to realize that we are all of these things!!

This video was made by Jon Jorgenson. You can check out more at http://www.jonjorgensonblog.com/.

So remember my sweet friend that you are a TREASURE, you are a DAUGHTER OF THE KING, and you are AWESOME!!!

Let's make a difference and help spread the word to all of your tired, defeated girlfriends!!  Let's change the way we view ourselves forever!!!

Living in a broken world...

So I watched the Grammy's last night (or at least the part I tolerated before giving up and going to bed). I realized something while they were on, as well as in the hours after I turned them off and tried to sleep. My mind raced all night with thoughts like:

"What is this world coming to?"

"How do I raise a God-fearing child in a world like this?"
"When did things get so messed up?"

You see in the past few weeks I feel like horrible news surrounds us - both locally and globally. Random "road rage" shootings happening in my small rural county, mall shootings, school shootings, parents murdering their children, multiple meth labs being found in my area, human trafficking is all over the news lately, and then there is the ever looming threat of terrorist attacks... The list could continue for a very long time.  

I feel disgust when I think about it, but also I feel heartbroken. I feel angry. I feel scared.

But as I was contemplating all of these emotions, I suddenly heard that voice of peace. (Not an audible voice that woke me like a scene from a horror movie), but the still small sense of peace I get when I know God is trying to get my attention!

Of course I am going to have feelings of disgust toward the things of this world. The bible even warned me I would.

But the Scriptures declare that we are all prisoners of sin, so we receive God's promise of freedom only by believing in Jesus Christ.

Galations 3:22 NLT

Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.

1 John 2:15-17 NLT

I am not trying to say that the Grammy's are something you should stay away from. It's not my job to decide that for you. As you continue to develop a relationship with God, He will convict you of certain things that He doesn't want you to participate in, or watch, or listen to.  These things can be different for each of us. God knows us completely. He knows what may cause each of us to struggle. And those things can be different for each of us. So I encourage you to listen and pay attention to how and where He is directing you. 

This world is a sinful place and I was made with a desire for more! We all were! We were created with a desire for heaven! If I wasn't feeling disgust for the things of this world, what would that say about me? 

I think this is what God means when he warns us to be "in the world, but not of it!"  I have no choice but to live here. And I don't think God wants me to live in torment while I'm here. I can and should make a life for myself and I'm allowed to enjoy the things that God has placed into this world. But when ungodly things of this world become pleasurable to us, we need to take a step back and reevaluate our lives and our commitment to Christ! Because like the verse above states, "For when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you."  Friends, we cannot pick and choose which parts of the bible we live by.  If we really want to follow Christ, we need to strive daily to do as He has commanded us.

So ask yourself today, who are you truly desiring to serve?

Learning to Trust

I haven't blogged in a ridiculously long time, but I really feel like God is urging me to write a post today. Even as I am starting to type this, I am not completely sure exactly what I am supposed to say through this.

As most of you know, we just recently opened our new business, Alpha Fitness, and as I look back over the events of the last few months, God's hand in it is UNDENIABLE!  It began years ago, really. A few months before we got married (in early 2006) Jerry was looking for some part-time work and found out his gym was hiring. So he picked up a few hours a week working the front desk there.  Even as he graduated college and got his first teaching job, he continued to work there every Saturday.  As a wife, I am so blessed by his work ethic and his willingness to work long hours and do whatever it takes for us. He has always done that. And anytime we had a few more days than dollars left, he would pick up a few more hours in the evenings to make sure we had food.  Despite some incredibly difficult times over the past few years, God has always provided for our needs.

I have not always seen it that way. There have been points in our lives where I was furious with God because my life wasn't where I had always envisioned it.  When we bought our townhouse in 2005, I was convinced it was my 3-5 year plan and once we had children we would be in our new house with a 2 car garage and fenced in yard..... In 2007, before we ever had our first child, we found that house that I thought would make me happy.  We put an offer on it, and listed our townhouse for sale - convinced it would sell in no time.  Well that didn't happen! And the house that I wanted so badly sold to someone else.  Finally, we pulled our house off the market and shortly after the value of houses in our area decline dramatically. So now we were stuck in this house and I was pissed!  In 2009, Miah was born and when I went to go back to work as she was 6 weeks old, I was told that my position was no longer needed. I remember being terrified of how we were going to survive, yet happy for the time I would get to spend with my little girl!  I had also started selling real estate around that same time. I can honestly say that I haven't had a single day since she was born that I have felt the "financial security" we used to have. But once I got past being angry with God, I realized that he has been using this time to show me his power in my life and develop my character.  He has ALWAYS provided what I need. And in 4 1/2 years of ups and downs, we have never gone without. Even when I have made some incredibly stupid decisions, He hasn't given up on me. He continues to provide and show me that I should be placing my trust in Him.  But despite all of that, I continued to be completely blind to His wonder all around me.

Back to the story of Jerry and his job at the gym..... things were starting to go downhill with the gym and it was becoming clear to everyone. We all just kept waiting for the day the gym would close it's doors. But it didn't happen that way. We always joked around that we would love to own it. But considering our current financial state, there was absolutely no way we would be able to open a business - or so we thought!

God opened some incredible doors for this to be possible.  We started realizing it could possibly happen in the early part of this year and to be perfectly honest, I prayed everyday that God would please take this idea out of our heads! I did not want us to get excited about the possibility, to find out there was no way we could ever come up with the funds needed to open it.  But with each prayer I prayed, He made it more clear that this was going to happen and we were to follow His plan and trust Him.
So we opened this business, without a penny to our names - Literally!  In the end of April 2013, we were already in the process of talking with some banks, and getting close to being able to purchase the equipment from his previous employer, and reopen the gym! But we literally ran out of money!! I hadn't had a real estate settlement in almost 3 months and we beyond strapped. But I was scheduled to have a real estate settlement on May 3, 2013 that would be close to a $5000 paycheck. So I knew we would be okay for another few months... But about 72 hours before settlement, I found out that there was an issue with the property and my clients were not able to buy it. So not only did I have to call and break this news to my clients leaving them basically homeless, but I was panicking about how it was going to affect my own life.  So needless to say, I was not able to make my mortgage payment for May and again began to get angry at God. I remember having many sessions where I cried and yelled at Him. "Why would you give us this dream of opening a gym when I can't even pay my own bills!? I will never be able to get a bank loan now! This dream is ruined! Why would you plant this dream in our hearts to have it end like this??"  Finally, I got over my toddler-like tantrum and decided I was going to hand everything over to Him for good. I was done with this half-hearted attempt at trusting him. If he was really going to take care of us, now was His time to show us! I was at my wits-end and decided I would test if He was really going to take care of me!

That's when life got really crazy! Within 30 days the gym was open and we were able to do it without any bank loans. It was truly miraculous!  And real estate clients started coming at me from every angle. Between July 1st and September 1st, I had closed more real estate transactions than I had in the entire year previous! We were able to catch up and pay all of our personal bills, as well as fund the first few months that the gym was open with those settlements! It was truly miraculous! But we still were still at a spot where we were having to put money into the business each month to cover overhead costs, so when summer ended Jerry had to go back to his teaching job. It breaks my heart to see him leave for work every morning when I know his dream is to be at the gym. But God is continuing to teach us more about His faithfulness each day! Our faith has been tested in more ways than I ever imagined possible over these past few months.  And every time I pray for Him to help me get through the day, He provides exactly what I need!!  He is teaching me that it is not MY business, it's His! And we are to allow Him to work through us to do great things for Him!

The gym has now been open for a little over 100 days, and during that time we have each worked 70-80+ hours weeks each and every week. It has been exhausting to say the least. But God has always provided exactly what we need, exactly when we need it. And I know He will not give up on us now.
If I look at the future, I see the massive amount of bills I owe in the next few weeks and it can be beyond overwhelming. But I am learning that all the planning in the world does me no good.  I can't control what will happen tomorrow. Only God has the ability. So instead of trying to figure out a business plan, I am trying my best to give it over the One who brought this business to life! Without Him, there would be no way Alpha Fitness could have opened!

Just this morning, I read something that was written by Austin Pryor. And his words just jumped off my screen and spoke such truth to me.
"God can absolutely be counted on to provide all the means necessary in order for us to obey His commands or carry out His plans. In other words, He knows exactly what resources we need to stay in His will, and He always makes them available."
(Taken from http://www.cbn.com/finance/Pryor_godprovides.aspx)

I have no idea how to make it through tomorrow, but God does and I am putting my trust in Him!!!

"A person may plan his own journey, but the Lord directs his steps."   -Proverbs 16:9